Robert F**king Wagner http://robertwagner.posterous.com Most recent posts at Robert F**king Wagner posterous.com Fri, 25 Mar 2011 06:32:00 -0700 We've moved... http://robertwagner.posterous.com/weve-moved http://robertwagner.posterous.com/weve-moved

Actually *I've* moved but it sounds much more impressive when I say "we've", doesn't it?

Anyway, head over to http://robwagpdx.com

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Tue, 09 Nov 2010 03:25:49 -0800 Sam Adams has a hard on for gun control. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/08/samsguns http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/08/samsguns In a move that's certain to irk everyone in the region with a sub-average IQ, some of the details of the spiffy new gun control ordinances being proposed by Mayor Sam Adams were published today. Frankly, after all of the bitching that ensued last August when the ideas were first presented, I was expecting something a bit stronger – or is it that I was hoping for something a bit stronger? Anything to piss off the perpetually wrong right I suppose. Instead, these three new proposed laws and two measures read like common sense to me:
  • A child safety law that would hold adults responsible if their gun gets into a child's hands. How this isn't already a law is completely beyond me. When I was growing up, my best friend (at age 16) managed to put a hole the size of a silver dollar through his foot because he was handling a gun while being supervised. It was an accident only in the sense that he was fucking around – he had literally grown up around guns but within 5 minutes of having one in his hands for the first time, boom, he buried a large chunk of foot flesh into the ground below him. Imagine him finding one of dad's guns at 5 years old and then going to show the neighbor kids.
  • A theft reporting law that would penalize gun owners who don't report the theft or loss of a firearm. They say roughly 1 in 5 crimes are committed with a lost or stolen firearm. How hard is it to call the police and file a goddamn report?
  • An exclusion zone measure that would designate shooting hot spots in the city, and allow the city to exclude gun offenders who are on probation or under juvenile authority from entering a public area or park within the hot spot locations, unless they live in the area, go to school, obtain social services or travel through it. And here's where it gets interesting. A lot of people are going to argue that this measure automatically discriminates against gun-toting felons – and so what if it does? What it doesn't affect is the responsible, licensed, Second Amendment loving bastards who have been daring us to pry their penises from their frigid deceased digits for the past few hundred years. What's the big worry? This is basically a measure to give cops the right to haul your ass into the pokey every time they catch you carrying a gun when you're not supposed to. Big deal. They should be anyway.
  • A special 7 p.m. curfew for juveniles who have been convicted of a gun offense, found to have possessed, purchased, used, transferred or transported a firearm unlawfully. Yeah, that's right kids, if you did something stupid with a gun at one point then they're going to treat you like a fucking toddler and you get to go to bed early.
  • Placing a mandatory minimum sentence of 30 days in jail for previous gun offenders found carrying a loaded gun in a public place, which includes a vehicle or on transit. Again, how come this isn't done already?
Is anyone but the most dysfunctional Limbaugh-loving moron really that offended by any of this? And if so, why? I'm a big fan of the second amendment, don't get me wrong, but I fail to see anything above that would cause me, as a gun-loving American, to shit my pants in protest. Perhaps it's only because I've made it this far without making a big name for myself in the wild and wacky world of gun violence but I'm an automatic supporter of anything that keeps guns out of the hands of kids, regardless of whether or not their parents think it's ok. That has nothing to do with the parents themselves of course. Go ahead, stockpile your doomsday arsenal for whatever Great Red Threat might be marching down I-5 someday, I really don't care – but your kids just aren't educated enough, mature enough, or responsible enough to handle guns anymore. It's been proven. You can show them how to use it and they still end up doing really stupid things and nearly killing people. So let's recap: Are you under the age of 18 and reading this? Maybe. Maybe not. Have you ever busted a cap in someone's skull, robbed a liquor store, or are having to hunt and kill your own food to survive rather than visit the delightfully well-lit New Seasons location on Hawthorne? Doubtful. Then why would any of this even apply to you and why would you waste the time and energy to get your panties in a big ol' bunch about it? Better still, wouldn't it be just a tiny bit more rewarding to teach your 5 year old how to read than teach them how to blow someone's head off? Hopefully your answer is yes. And if it is, then you have nothing to fear from the mayors proposals.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Thu, 04 Nov 2010 18:37:45 -0700 According to my recent study, 50% of parents have lost all touch with reality http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/according-to-my-recent-study-50-of-parents-have-lost-all-touch-with-reality http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/according-to-my-recent-study-50-of-parents-have-lost-all-touch-with-reality Please note that what follows is a completely unscientific study as I am not funded by quasi-worthless grants, public or private funds, etc. nor am I qualified in any way to make such grand claims to the contrary but, and let's face it, the headline got your attention and that's exactly what I intended. Children don't bother me anymore. I used to blame most of the ills of the world on children, even when I myself was a child, but as of late I'm finding more and more that i actually like the little buggers. I like kids. There, I said it. What I don't like? A fairly large percentage of modern parents. Now, it's time for the second and final disclaimer – I don't have children of my own and I can't relate to the struggles of the modern mom and dad, mom and mom, or dad and dad. I don't get off work and immediately deal with the demands of children, nor do I incur the costs associated with child-rearing either. I can't say that I prep three squares a day for anyone, not even myself. In short, I have no idea what it takes to raise a kid – and most of the time it seems like you don't either. Now, I'm not speaking to each and every parent out there, far from it, rather I'm speaking to this new crop of hippie nature-lovin' naturopathetic fucktards that figure if some dickwad that closely resembles Dr. Phil writes a book, the so-called advice contained therein should be considered law. Case in point: Children need discipline. That doesn't mean you have to beat them within inches of their lives, discard them in waste containers, or drown them in the nearest body of water. What it does mean is that sooner or later you're either going to earn the respect of your kids or they're going to make your friends. family, and random people on the street wish the most grievous bodily harm imaginable on you. On YOU, not your children. Don't assume that the other adults in the room just figure that kids are kids, or that we don't see it as a complete 110% reflection on YOU that they're allowed to run amok, break things, steal shit, and cuss in ways that'd give the Urban Dictionary a run for its money. We blame you. You aren't raising your child in new and innovative ways when you allow them to interrupt the lives of others, instead you are simply failing to be a parent – period. You aren't creating a new generation of competent young people when you approach parenting with the notion that you're too good to make the same mistakes your parents did. You aren't and you will. And therein lies most of the problem. Everyone today is so busy using their so-called lousy childhood as an excuse to be a wholly inept human being that it's carrying over into parenthood. So you were such a little shit when you were a kid that daddy took the belt to your ass once? Well, that's a bummer, but does it really mean that you're going to sit down and try to reason with a two year old? Really? Sure, I get that communication is a great and wonderful thing but that's not what you're doing. No, what you're doing is looking for a quick fix to a complex problem, and you're just arrogant enough to think that thousands upon thousands of years of parenting can be discarded outright simply because some hippie-dick psycho-babblist said so. It's easier for you that way because then you don't have to accept responsibility for anything and you can quickly get back to the rest of your miserable life rather than act like a fucking adult and give your kids the respect and attention they deserve. YOU (or most of you anyway) made the decision to have children. YOU are the ones that are responsible for teaching them right from wrong. YOU are the jackass that the rest of us are going to blame when your child acts unreasonable, disruptive, or otherwise rude. It's YOUR fault, not mine. It might "take a village" but if everyone in that village is as completely weak and clueless as half the parents I see out there in the world then even a whole village isn't going to produce one responsible human being. And then what good is your village? What? You can't do this yourself? People have been raising kids for centuries – what makes your situation so goddamn special? And the thing that kills me the most? It's the college-educated underemployed that seem to have the greatest difficulty with all of this. The same assholes that bought the books from the so-called parenting expert that reminds me of a halfwit Dr. Phil.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Thu, 04 Nov 2010 12:45:27 -0700 Chris Dudley #fail http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/chris-dudley-fail http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/chris-dudley-fail Is it just me or does this photo of Chris Dudley's concession speech make it look like he's nothing more than a puppet being manipulated by a disappointed looking Cabbage Patch Kid?
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Credit where it's due, this photo originally appeared on Oregonlive.com and was taken shortly after Chris Dudley had both conceded the governor race and consumed an entire "Macho Burrito" plate at the El Ranchito restaurant in Lake Oswego. And speaking of Cabbage Patch Kids (and having absolutely nothing to do with Chris Dudley or his puppeteer)... Am I the only one that finds this kinda hot?
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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 30 Oct 2010 03:37:23 -0700 Wi-Fi at 520mph (pt.2) http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/29/wi-fi-at-520mph-pt-2 http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/29/wi-fi-at-520mph-pt-2 Maybe I spoke too soon in my praise for United's Wi-Fi service. I just wrote a three paragraph blog update about 30 minutes ago and I see now that it never posted. Oh well, it's not like I have anything better to do but write it all over again, right? Anyway, Jim Beam over here is drooling a minor waterfall all over his nicely pressed powder blue JCPenny dress shirt. Now, this isn't particularly unusual for a flight except that he's still awake while he's doing it. I'm convinced he's reading this as I'm typing it but he's just so zoned out in lushville that it's really all just a blur to him. I managed to get his unwanted attention earlier playing a round of this rather addicting pinball app I have on the iPad. I love the game but it lasts way too long. I find myself deliberately losing after about 20 minutes just to make the damn thing end. I think the motion of the ball on the screen and the resulting scrolling all over the place made him a little dizzy. Poor Jim Beam.
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I tried to resume a game of Words With Friends I'm playing with Quizmaster Polly earlier. I don't know if it's the Wi-Fi on the plane or what but it wouldn't let me connect. Sucks too because I'm about to kick her sorry ass by about 42 points unless my math is way off (which it just might be). Oh well, it can wait, I think the games been going on for about a week now anyway. "Dinner" (a word I will use loosely until I have a decent one, thanks again United) consisted of something they described as a "Panini". Now, before you incorrectly assume that my white bread under-cultured ass has never consumed a "Panini", let me state that I indeed HAVE done such a thing. Let me explain further that this "Panini" was nothing close to the "Panini" that you and I may know and/or love, instead it was like someone had taken two hot sponges, robbed a Jack in the Box of their processed breakfast ham slices, and them went hog-fucking-wild with orange splooge. I *assume* that the splooge was supposed to be processedcheesefood™ but I cannot be entirely sure because it, like the stolen "ham" was devoid of any identifiable flavor. To top it all off, you Star Trek IV fans should enjoy the knowledge that United has successfully cracked the code for creating transparent aluminum – each "Panini" is wrapped in it. Either that or they're so greasy that they can actually melt foil. I've vowed to stay alcohol-free for the duration of my trip. I'm now going to resort to smoking hard plastic/rubber shavings I've cut from the bottom of my boot in an effort to kill myself, rather than prolong the agony of sitting here any longer. It sounds like they're having fun up in first class. I tried to bribe my way up there earlier but they wouldn't have me no matter how much of {reference removed}'s money I promised them. Way to go United! You have very honest crew members but your cook is a complete hack. Next time let's try doing the opposite ok?

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 30 Oct 2010 01:19:58 -0700 Wi-Fi at 520mph (pt.1) http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/29/wi-fi-at-520mph-pt-1 http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/29/wi-fi-at-520mph-pt-1 Liveblogging my airplane trip to NYC, not so much because I figure you care but rather because I'm bored as shit... Claustrophobic as hell but according to clock we are 25 minutes ahead of schedule, according to web we are 45 minutes ahead of schedule. I want to trust the web. There is a man sitting next to me that smells of whiskey so bad that I want to puke. He doesn't smell like whiskey from a bottle though, more like whiskey licked out of a dead woman's mouth - that weird old stale smell that reminds me of grandma, had she drank whiskey instead of vodka. I would wish him death but I fear that he might actually smell worse if that happened.
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In front of me is a lady with a little boy with a very wide head, almost like a football. He is probably 8. He'll be a famous comedian someday - he has to be because he has a football head. He is extremely funny. Crude as hell but very funny. I am mad at them both because they have all kinds of leg room while me and Whiskey a Go Go have none. The girl to my right has the window. She's nice. I think she's only nice though because she thinks that it's me that stinks like an old rotting englishman though and not Capt. Jack here. And my laptop is too big for the fucking dumb little table so I have to use iPad and everyone wants to touch my iPad. Everyone can fuck off.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:14:19 -0700 Cheerleading Tryouts? Yes please! http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/28/cheerleading-tryouts-yes-please http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/10/28/cheerleading-tryouts-yes-please When: Wednesday Nov. 3rd, 2010 - 7pm to 10pm Where: Small Gym, Stott Center Who: PSU Students / Girls and Guys / Robert Wagner and Sabrina Miller

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Fri, 24 Sep 2010 11:39:09 -0700 That must be one hell of a dirty mattress http://robertwagner.posterous.com/that-must-be-one-hell-of-a-dirty-mattress http://robertwagner.posterous.com/that-must-be-one-hell-of-a-dirty-mattress

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:32:00 -0700 It took me awhile to figure out why anyone would want to set swivel chairs up on their kitchen counter. Then I figured it out. Duh. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/it-took-me-awhile-to-figure-out-why-anyone-wo http://robertwagner.posterous.com/it-took-me-awhile-to-figure-out-why-anyone-wo

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Tue, 21 Sep 2010 11:28:00 -0700 And just what did we learn today? http://robertwagner.posterous.com/and-just-what-did-we-learn-today http://robertwagner.posterous.com/and-just-what-did-we-learn-today

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obvious and juvenille, yes, I know...

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Mon, 20 Sep 2010 13:02:00 -0700 The truth about some peoples blog traffic... http://robertwagner.posterous.com/the-truth-about-some-peoples-blog-traffic http://robertwagner.posterous.com/the-truth-about-some-peoples-blog-traffic

Hey, don't make fun! My bank account is just fine.

;)

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sun, 19 Sep 2010 13:20:00 -0700 @unibashradio : You're fired. Now go, do your own show. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/unibashradio-youre-fired-now-go-do-your-own-s http://robertwagner.posterous.com/unibashradio-youre-fired-now-go-do-your-own-s

My first meeting with Jay Mackin was not in the flesh but rather in the PDX.FM/meebo chatbox during an episode of Portland Sucks, a few months before there even was a PDX.FM (if my memory is correct, this was sometime in late July of 2009 when we were still under the "Small Plate Radio" umbrella). I met him again the next day, then the next, then the next. He seemed a curious individual, content to spew some of the most tasteless one-liners while we were broadcasting, usually using a different username each day, sometimes 4 or 5 during the course of a given show. I assumed for a time that he was a lonely teenager on Summer vacation from middle school, until he won a contest on The Meat Show and Emily Gibson reported back that he was in fact an adult after meeting him to give him some movie passes to Zombieland.

 

I finally met Jay in person a few months later when he showed up to volunteer for Baconfest '09. On that morning he almost single-handedly set-up the entire event, or at least the PDX.FM part of it anyway, and I was left to scratch my head and wonder "who the hell is this guy?" and "what the hell does he want?"

 

A week or so later I received an envelope with some show demos in the mail. I rarely checked our mail at the time so apparently Jay was a bit anxious with anticipation because I took so long to get back to him. Jay told me that he had been a part of a nationally syndicated radio show that had broadcast out of Portland a few years ago (like I'd know? I don't listen to the radio) and, like all radio personalities, he eventually got the axe. I listened to his demo material, laughed, and the rest is history.

 

Last Tuesday I had to fire Jay from Morning Submission. I tried to accomplish this in true corporate radio form so that it wouldn't be a shock to him, which really just means that I didn't give him a chance to explain himself or beg or plead for whatever mercy I wasn't going to grant him. I put up a quick page on morningsubmission.com that announced that the show itself had been cancelled and that was that. Jay called at about 1:15 that afternoon wondering what the fuck was going on. 

 

And then we talked. I asked Jay what he thought about doing his own show, his own way, for a full 30 minutes every day. He said "you know, I've always had this idea…"

 

Take a listen to the all-new and improved Unibash Radio. Weekday mornings from 9:30 to 10:00AM Pacific on PDX.FM. Think of it as the cheese in your daily trailer-park sandwich, tucked snug between the cheap white bread of Suck It™ at 8:30AM and Cort and Fatboy at 10:00AM.

Itunesicon

 

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 18 Sep 2010 08:49:00 -0700 Everything goes back to normal, live at 8:30am Monday morning. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/everything-goes-back-to-normal-live-at-830am http://robertwagner.posterous.com/everything-goes-back-to-normal-live-at-830am

This post is intended as something of an explanation to those that have emailed me about the demise of Morning Submission over the past several days. I would like to start by saying that I've literally spent nearly three full days reading your emails and I sincerely appreciate each and every one of them. It's incredibly gratifying to know that so many of you listened to us and if I could personally take the time to thank all of you in person I would.

On Tuesday, the 14th of September at 9:45AM, I had something of an epiphany. I wasn't having fun doing the Morning Submission show anymore. It wasn't the fault of anyone in particular, no one that is except me. After all, how many people do you know that get to work with three of their best friends every day? And furthermore, how many people do you know that get to claim that cracking jokes into a microphone for an hour is actually work? Probably not too many in either case.

But there I was, hitting rock bottom with the idea that I wanted to get up every single day and be...whimsical.

Morning Submission was intended to be an extension of what Sabrina and I put together with the Portland Sucks show. Portland Sucks represented the ultimate in freedom for me – I could bitch about something one minute and make fun of something else the next. You could take it seriously, you could take it with a grain of salt, you could take it and dump it in your computers recycle bin – it didn't really matter, the point was that it felt like it occasionally had something to say. Listeners and fans called them "rants", I call it being stuck in my body, in my head, in my city. 

I'm blessed with having the luxury of being able to do what I want, what feels right to me, rather than having to do what I'm told. Sometime last May I lost sight of all of that. After a series of difficult issues in my personal life I started feeling a certain amount of defeat – I quit blogging entirely, I stopped getting involved in the things I believe in, and I ceased to voice my opinion about much of anything at all. I got soft. As a result, Morning Submission never represented the Robert Wagner that I enjoy being, instead it represented the one that can "phone it in" in a semi-competent manner.

I realized after a false start a few weeks ago that I can't go back to Portland Sucks and I can't, or rather don't, feel good about Morning Submission. But what I can do, now that my life is back on track 110% (and it very much fucking is) is start over, so that's what I intend to do.

I invite you, in the most humble way possible, to join us – myself and Sabrina Miller – live at 8:30AM Pacific on PDX.FM.

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Wed, 15 Sep 2010 09:37:00 -0700 It would seem that The Shadow has been breaking into houses in my neighborhood... http://robertwagner.posterous.com/it-would-seem-that-the-shadow-has-been-breaki http://robertwagner.posterous.com/it-would-seem-that-the-shadow-has-been-breaki

Neighborhoodwatch

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Tue, 14 Sep 2010 11:36:00 -0700 I can't possibly be expected to know how to use a calendar, I'm just not that smart. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/i-cant-possibly-be-expected-to-know-how-to-us http://robertwagner.posterous.com/i-cant-possibly-be-expected-to-know-how-to-us

This past Saturday I made the mistake of taking a couple of early morning photos, both of which I thought were mildly humorous - with an emphasis on the word "mildly", quite a lot of emphasis actually. The first was of a coffee mug I've been using for a couple of months that I never really paid any attention to, the second was of a tupperware container filled with bacon. Shame on me. Yesterday morning I received an email complaining about the content of those two posts, not so much because of what they were but presumably more because of what they weren't. Aww hell, this is too hard to explain so I'll just share an excerpt from the email in question...

"...any reflection on what happened to our brothers and sisters in the towers is nowhere to be found. 9-11 is not a day for you or anyone else to try out your lame comedic efforts. Show some respect or I will assume you have none."

Yes, Saturday was the 9th anniversary of a terrible event.

No, I'm not going to stop living my life because of that.

Yes, you are mentally fucking ill if you think that makes you better than me.

The full email a pretty entertaining but ultimately very repetitive read. To know that there's actually someone out there in the land of the Interwebs that believes we should all wake up in the morning on a weekend, gaze at a calendar to figure out what we should feel bad about, and then proceed to only focus/dwell on that one thing for the rest of the day (and for the rest of our lives), well, that just makes me want to beat a bunny rabbit.

Knowing that the person in question reads this drivel (i.e. my blog, the one you're reading right now) warms my heart though because that also means that I can say

fuck you

and the proper party will receive my response loud and clear.


 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Mon, 13 Sep 2010 22:45:00 -0700 Moving forward... http://robertwagner.posterous.com/moving-forward http://robertwagner.posterous.com/moving-forward

“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”
- George E. Woodberry

I had a long conversation with my dear friend Betsy Richter tonight regarding the future of OurPDX, the blog that she founded and that I subsequently took over editorial duties for earlier this year. Alright, I'm lying. The conversation was anything but lengthy, in fact I estimate that it probably took less time to discuss than 95% of the paragraphs that have graced OurPDX in its lifetime so far took to compose. It was all decided in mere minutes. Hibernation is what Betsy decided to call it.

There's this catchphrase that was going around awhile back, doing it wrong, that instantly came to mind. I've always hated catchphrases and that one was certainly no exception. How simplistic and dull is it to make such an explicitly harsh statement as doing it wrong, especially when no one out there is doing it right?  Oh sure, there's no shortage of people that claim that they're doing it right while everyone else is doing it wrong but, if you look closer they're mostly full of shit.

Bloggers are a dime a dozen, they're largely disorganized, and nearly none of them are making money - particularly if you eliminate technology blogs from the equation.

My father doesn't read blogs. You could say that he's too old to "get it" and maybe you'd be right but then explain my sister, who is seven years younger than I am and doesn't read blogs either. So then maybe my family isn't the typical target audience for a blog, having little to no interest in the tech industry beyond owning an iPhone. If so, explain my friend Dave in Seattle who works for one of the largest technology companies in the world, Microsoft, and claims he never, ever reads blogs. Who does that leave?

The simple truth is, most people do in fact read blogs on occasion, they just don't realize that what they're reading is a blog.

The problem is this - we're all doing it wrong. I've been doing it completely wrong and to speak honestly, I've probably been doing it a hell of a lot more right than you have. Sure, there are exceptions, but for all of the hype surrounding the blog that we've had to endure over the past several years, I'm just not seeing the mainstream acceptance of it all. Not yet. Not in a way that speaks to people like my father, my sister, or my friend Dave in Seattle. 

We're not doing it right and I'm no exception.

But neither are you. Not yet.

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Tue, 07 Sep 2010 10:49:00 -0700 Even Goody Two-Shoes Can Get a Hangover http://robertwagner.posterous.com/even-goody-two-shoes-can-get-a-hangover http://robertwagner.posterous.com/even-goody-two-shoes-can-get-a-hangover

goody two-shoes definition

  1. n.
    someone who tries to behave better than anyone else. (Also a term of address.) : I'm no goody two-shoes. I just like to keep my nose clean.
  2. n.
    sabrina miller

 

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 04 Sep 2010 23:29:00 -0700 Bumbershoot 2010 in Tweets - Day 1 (of 2 because Day 3 looks lame) http://robertwagner.posterous.com/bumbershoot-2010-in-tweets-day-1-of-2-because http://robertwagner.posterous.com/bumbershoot-2010-in-tweets-day-1-of-2-because

Bottom line? Day one pretty much sucked. I was looking forward to seeing some of the iTunes Podcaster Superstars™ live on stage and instead what I got was a few disappointing sets from a smattering of extremely similar comedians, none of whom I was able to identify with at all. Is there a law out there now that states that all modern comedians have to ramble endlessly about pop culture? I get it, pop culture is a "thing" right now but still – whatever happened to poking fun at life, love, and the pursuit of happiness? You can only hear so many fucking jokes with movie tie-ins and references to LiLo, Paris, et al, before you tune out, or at least I do anyway.

As for the music? Bob Dylan has all the personality of a half-empty box of plastic toothpicks and the rest was even more forgettable. 

BFD.

Tomorrow.... Weezer! Hole! and.... some other stuff.

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 04 Sep 2010 15:04:39 -0700 @QMpolly is right. my feet are hideous. http://robertwagner.posterous.com/qmpolly-is-right-my-feet-are-hideous http://robertwagner.posterous.com/qmpolly-is-right-my-feet-are-hideous

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner
Sat, 04 Sep 2010 09:52:00 -0700 Trains aren't conducive to my antisocial behavior http://robertwagner.posterous.com/trains-arent-conducive-to-my-antisocial-behav http://robertwagner.posterous.com/trains-arent-conducive-to-my-antisocial-behav

"Wow! Is that an iPad?"

Yeah.

"Can I try it?"

No.

And why would you even ask? So, random stranger, you and I are both on a train bound for Seattle but only one of us is prepared to pass the time. I cant help it if you aren't bright enough to think ahead and bring something, anything, with you to occupy that feeble little brain of yours. First you have the audacity to harass me while I'm listening to my iPod. "Now, is that an iPhone?" you asked. No. It's my anti-dipshit-on-a-train device. Here's the rules: earbuds in? Yes? Leave me alone. Next, you noticed that I was watching a movie on my "iPhone" (it's NOT a fucking iPhone!) and decided to interrupt me again, actually touching me no less, and asking "which Bourne Identity movie is that?" ... I took my earbuds out and replied "The Bourne Indifferrence", even though I'm watching Green Zone. The joke is lost on you though because you reply "oh, that's a new one". Then, you notice that I'm writing something on my iPad and figure this is your ticket to try it for yourself, but it's not just any iPad dude, it's MY iPad and I didn't bring it along so that you could be entertained. I don't care that you've "been thinking about buying one", and I'm laughing my ass off on the inside because while you're sitting there next to me, asking me stupid questions and basically just being an annoying dickhole, I'm actually writing about you. The fact that I still have to endure your presence for another two hours though? That's not sitting so well with me.

So, if anyone out there is reading this and there's a news story tonight about a man found dead on a train from Portland to Seattle with an iPad crammed up his ass, you'll know who did it. It was me.

And it was MY iPad.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/725448/pdxsucksbaconfest.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4xgesv9gCoyl Robert Wagner robertwagner Robert Wagner