Robert F**king Wagner http://robertwagner.posterous.com Most recent posts at Robert F**king Wagner posterous.com Thu, 04 Nov 2010 18:37:45 -0700 According to my recent study, 50% of parents have lost all touch with reality http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/according-to-my-recent-study-50-of-parents-have-lost-all-touch-with-reality http://robertwagner.posterous.com/2010/11/04/according-to-my-recent-study-50-of-parents-have-lost-all-touch-with-reality Please note that what follows is a completely unscientific study as I am not funded by quasi-worthless grants, public or private funds, etc. nor am I qualified in any way to make such grand claims to the contrary but, and let's face it, the headline got your attention and that's exactly what I intended. Children don't bother me anymore. I used to blame most of the ills of the world on children, even when I myself was a child, but as of late I'm finding more and more that i actually like the little buggers. I like kids. There, I said it. What I don't like? A fairly large percentage of modern parents. Now, it's time for the second and final disclaimer – I don't have children of my own and I can't relate to the struggles of the modern mom and dad, mom and mom, or dad and dad. I don't get off work and immediately deal with the demands of children, nor do I incur the costs associated with child-rearing either. I can't say that I prep three squares a day for anyone, not even myself. In short, I have no idea what it takes to raise a kid – and most of the time it seems like you don't either. Now, I'm not speaking to each and every parent out there, far from it, rather I'm speaking to this new crop of hippie nature-lovin' naturopathetic fucktards that figure if some dickwad that closely resembles Dr. Phil writes a book, the so-called advice contained therein should be considered law. Case in point: Children need discipline. That doesn't mean you have to beat them within inches of their lives, discard them in waste containers, or drown them in the nearest body of water. What it does mean is that sooner or later you're either going to earn the respect of your kids or they're going to make your friends. family, and random people on the street wish the most grievous bodily harm imaginable on you. On YOU, not your children. Don't assume that the other adults in the room just figure that kids are kids, or that we don't see it as a complete 110% reflection on YOU that they're allowed to run amok, break things, steal shit, and cuss in ways that'd give the Urban Dictionary a run for its money. We blame you. You aren't raising your child in new and innovative ways when you allow them to interrupt the lives of others, instead you are simply failing to be a parent – period. You aren't creating a new generation of competent young people when you approach parenting with the notion that you're too good to make the same mistakes your parents did. You aren't and you will. And therein lies most of the problem. Everyone today is so busy using their so-called lousy childhood as an excuse to be a wholly inept human being that it's carrying over into parenthood. So you were such a little shit when you were a kid that daddy took the belt to your ass once? Well, that's a bummer, but does it really mean that you're going to sit down and try to reason with a two year old? Really? Sure, I get that communication is a great and wonderful thing but that's not what you're doing. No, what you're doing is looking for a quick fix to a complex problem, and you're just arrogant enough to think that thousands upon thousands of years of parenting can be discarded outright simply because some hippie-dick psycho-babblist said so. It's easier for you that way because then you don't have to accept responsibility for anything and you can quickly get back to the rest of your miserable life rather than act like a fucking adult and give your kids the respect and attention they deserve. YOU (or most of you anyway) made the decision to have children. YOU are the ones that are responsible for teaching them right from wrong. YOU are the jackass that the rest of us are going to blame when your child acts unreasonable, disruptive, or otherwise rude. It's YOUR fault, not mine. It might "take a village" but if everyone in that village is as completely weak and clueless as half the parents I see out there in the world then even a whole village isn't going to produce one responsible human being. And then what good is your village? What? You can't do this yourself? People have been raising kids for centuries – what makes your situation so goddamn special? And the thing that kills me the most? It's the college-educated underemployed that seem to have the greatest difficulty with all of this. The same assholes that bought the books from the so-called parenting expert that reminds me of a halfwit Dr. Phil.

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